Let's Duet

Well tomorrow is Friday although I am missing a few hours at work due to my heart related issues. I am so sick of being sick yet I have a long way to go.

May 10th is coming up so that I can get my bloodwork done then. I can't wait! I just can't even wait! I want to know what my levels are and get on a new farking dose ASAP!

Not much in my life is going on other than the day to day struggles of my body being a prickhead. I am fat too, did you know it would take care of SO MUCH if I lost weight. I wish I had a MD degree then I could tell people they are fat. I mean gee today I didn't even know I had some extra baggage on me. Why did they have to tell me? I mean I thought I was Olsen twin skinny and they had to go and burst my bubble.

DUDES I have HYPOTHYROIDISM. Had it been diagnosed I dont know say WHEN I STARTED putting on the pounds I might not be obese. And he asked me when my last pap smear was! AS IF hes even going there. Right. Good luck on that one sicko.

This turned into a RANT and VENT post but I feel better. Now I am going to bed for sure.

Hypo Mom

So just a few days ago I was told I have Hypothyroidism. Which might explain my anxiety, depression, weight issues and over all NO energy whatsover. I am not crazy after all! Its my thyroid! I have learned a few things since reading up on this condition. Always ALWAYS ask to know what your levels are if your dr says you are fine, ask to know what your TSH numbers were and find in a book what normal levels are! I see my dr on Saturday and will learn what the normal numbers are. I am reading in the book but its not registering in my head which is another sign of being Hypo. I think after Sat the dr might up my meds some. I am really really tired still and the thought of even taking a shower wears me out!

I will probably post more on my journey as I am sure I will be on meds now the rest of my life. I am very thankful that I am not crazy. I thought I was going crazy. I am glad to know there is a reason why I feel down/irritable and cranky and makes it easier to get through the day.

On a fun note, I am making spaghetti and garlic bread for lunch and I honestly can't wait to eat!

I will admit

I will admit I am a blog stalker. Most people are very social through blogs, I for one just like to see how relationships work out in the blogs. Sometimes, and very often I find people are 'different' depending on how and who they are being social with. Social Blogging could be called Slogging...yeah Slogging. So the term blog stalker could be Balker.

I will admit that I take things to the extreme and really have my own fantasy about how things should work out. I also imagine what I want someone to say to me and how, but we all know it never works out how it does in my head. Sometimes things don't always turn out how I would hoped based on a conversation with a friend or a situation that I witnessed. Sometimes that makes me sad inside.

I will admit that I am a Christian. Yes, I love Jesus. I pray for my friends. I don't pass judgements on any other people. We all make mistakes, we all deserve love, and we are all imperfect. The phrase "what would Jesus do" is overused but really, what would he do? I bet you anything he would sit next to the homeless man you saw on your way to work before he would go to Starbucks and browse on his laptop. He would drive the beat up rusty car that's paid for before he would borrow from someone else for his own gain. I know he would listen to every word I said so carefully and diligently and at the end he would love me even more.

I will admit that I care too much for people that I probably shouldn't care about. I get hurt easily. I am sensitive. I like to hear that I am wanted and needed. I like knowing that without me, someone would hurt inside. I like to think that when they hear a song and it reminds me of them, the treasure that song forever.

I just want to know that in this world and all the stuff thats in it, that in the end it was all worth it.

Very Randomish

Wouldn't you like to know what I hide behind this screen? Oh I have a few very nice secrets I could tell. I won't though because then they wouldn't stay um secret! I figured that all out on my own.

In a previous post I mentioned the ill feeling I have toward Miley Cirus. It hasn't ended, I just wanted to update you. Bill O'Reilly even had some dude on his show analyzing the poptart and they said she is like Elvis! Yeah...I totally see the resemblence. Elvis and Miley....totally has to be the sideburns? Yeah...

Hey I just gave away a secret in the previous paragraph....did you catch it? I LOVE BILL O'REILLY and I am pretty sure he loves me even though he's old. Don't ask me why I love his show so much, but I love it and I am pretty sure that it makes me odd. I like milk and onions as a nice snack..my favorite color is purple...I would pretty much die without music...diet coke should be a food group...and Napoleon Dynamite rocks my world.

A few songs that are in my head tonight that are kicking my @$$:

1. Calling You by Blue October
This song has some sweet sweet music with some kick ass lyrics. Seriously, if a dude sang this song to me oh he would so be the best dude ever. This song melts my insides. Its like melty butter in my soul. Yeah. But seriously, it does kick some butt. "I only want to see if you're ok when I'm not around" If you have ever loved anyone in your life I am sure you can relate to this song.

2. Somewhere Out There by Our Lady Peace
Why do all the good songs never get that much radio play? This song really was awesome when it came out and now that I have it on my iPod its even better because I can hear him sing all the time. I just like it because one of the lines "I miss your purple hair" Yeah I did it. I had purple hair. I had all kinds of colors of hair. I like this song because it also just reminds me of a love that is out there...no worries because I know you're out there somewhere out there...

3. Karma by Alicia Keys
Yeah this song just rocks my world right now....I like to call them 'angry violins' any type of song with a violin in it I just love...doesn't even have to be a good song if it has any type of violin it kicks my ass. It just does. 'Nuff said.

4. Oh by Ciara feat. Ludacris
I will admit the only reason this song made the list is because of the beat...the time it reminds me of is summer when its warm and she says "they got their southern cookin'" Yeah southern cookin' and fat girls love food! Just better have some diet coke on the side. This song is fun to be in the car alone on a trip to Ohio in July in a rental car and you can blare it and sing like you are the hottest shit ever. Yeah, I did that. I miss that trip. Driving 3.5 hours alone with no one! NO ONE! No kids! Ahhh all I can say is "Oh!"

5. I Love You More by Sarah Silverman
Talk about a true love song! It is the ultimate love song and you should listen to it, bitch. Cha Cha Cha!

Dr. Everyone

Ever notice when you are sick...I mean really sick as I am that everyone has their take on your symptoms? I welcome all the advice but I am so tired of wondering what I have will make me die tonight. I have a DR APPT for 1:30 tomorrow and I can't wait to get there. If they say sorry this is just a virus I might throw a tantrum in their office. Something has to take care of this pain....here are my symptoms:
low grade fever at times
cough not producing anything even though i feel it rattling
cold chills
sweats esp at night
no appitite even though I am eating bad things
I dont even want to drink water which is odd....
today I have severe back pain only when I cough

yeah so thats me...symptoms started like Friday and have only got worse. Tylenol and the expectorant/suppressent meds arent even working. I need a dr....Dr Dr give me the news....I gotta bad case of....the sickies :(

HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Java Monster Reviews

Since I recommend them to anyone and everyone I should write my reviews for the Java Monsters I have tried. It's actually all of them off the new line. I must say when you have a JM at 9am then pick 11:30 am to have another one...well it makes for a very peppy and exciting Laura. Even the kids at the children's home were laughing at me dancing to the songs on the radio. I love Java Monster and you should to. I think they secretly add crack to them. On to the reviews.

Chai Hai- Not a coffee blend but the actual tea. I prefer my Chai tea warm. This is ok though. Has a bit of a cinnamon backround. It is smooth, but if you don't like teas, this probably isn't the Monster Energy Drink for you.

Irish Blend- Uh can you say Yummy? Makes me feel as if I am drinking an actual adult beverage! Kinda a hint of Bailey's Irish Cream.

Russian-This is also yummy but I felt as if it was even more alcohol tasting. I even thought I could smell the alcohol which I guess isn't a bad thing. The alcohol would be Kahlua....White Russian? Is that like a drink? Anyways yeah....

Lo-Ball- I like to drink this when I have already had a Java monster for the day. It's half the calories as a regular Java Monster so it makes me feel less guilty. Its a sweet coffee blend nothing cool about the flavor.

Nut Up- Ok I was reluctant to try this one but guess what? It's my total favorite. Nut Up gets Two Thumbs Up from me...and I love love love this one. I would say its my favorite. Out of them all. A second choice would be Mean Bean which was in the original line.

The only one I haven't tried is the Big Black (original line) and I am just scared to. I don't want to put over $2 on something I won't like, but for the sake of having all of them I should just suck it up and try it. Maybe I will put my kids in the car and head to the only place I know carries all these flavors. They know me as the Java Monster girl by my eye twitches.

TOP THREE JAVA MONSTERS
1. Nut Up
2. Mean Bean
3. Lo-Ball

For shits and giggles the rest in order:
4. Loca Mocha
5. Irish Blend
6. Chai Hai
7. Russian
8.Big Black (only cause I havent tried it yet)

All in all I wouldn't kick anyone out of bed because I do like them all, but if I had to say I guess I am a bit 'nutty' since the two top flavors are nuts. Funny because I am from Ohio..and I love the Buckeyes.... I LOVE NUTS!!!

Oh Sweet Motivation

So after last nights fun post, I thought wow I need a motivator. I have a goal and I need to stick with it. This means that I will be snacking on a lot of my salsa and carrots again. Not that I mind it, it gives me veggies that I need to be eating, but I just want another SIGG bottle. Since they are so expensive I thought I would say to myself "hey fat ass you have to earn it" so here I am earning another SIGG bottle.

Why have two expensive water bottles, you may be asking. Well, for starters I do love the way the water tastes out of it. I like how its stylish, and I like feeling good about myself. I don't think its so wrong to save the planet a few less plastic water bottles either. I don't really have to justify it to you though because I don't really care why you question me.

I took the kiddos to the library tonight and then we went to Kroger because I had to get milk and bread. I can't believe the price of things these days. It does make me want to cry over spilled milk.

Working out tonight...I only did the gazelle and I hardly broke a sweat doing the 140 BPM Podrunner thingy ma-bob. I do have a work out CD that I did the other night that made me sweat a lot. I think I need to try 150-plus beats per minute to get a sweat going. Dudes, I am going to get another SIGG bottle. $1 a pound is what I am paying myself. I am proud tosay that in the week I have had my Ipod I have worked out 3 times! It has proven itself very useful. I love thee Ipod.....I always will.

Joe Dirt plays Dirty!

If any of you have been a sufferer er er...of anxiety you will know how much it sucks! It really SUCKS! I have been dealing with high anxiety level for about a month. It isn't much that I share with many people and I feel sometimes the ones closest don't even understand. I don't really have a reason to be anxious. I have the heat paid, electric paid, phone...etc but I think its past situations and the 'what if's' that make me super anxious.

I know its at its peak when I can't even seem to sit on my couch for more than 5 minutes and just chill out. It is also bad when I can't go to sleep because I wonder if the alarm is on. Then I wonder if it's loud enough. Then I wonder if it doesn't go off then I might get fired...if I get fired I can't pay certain bills. Then someone will take my kids away because I am not taking care of them.

See the cycle? So last night was one of those nights that wouldn't let me go to sleep. And here I sit tonight trying to fight even relaxing my body to REST. I can't get it to stop. I believe this is where I need to go see a medical professional and see what they say.

I have had some stress at work too, sharing my office with someone who can't seem to get my hours straight and she's all up in my space. Then the executive director is like down my neck to get my drivers license renewed. It expires on the 22nd...shes like on top of me like a starving person running for food being throw from helicopters in umm..one of those countries we send food to. I know it was so wrong of me to say it but it's how I feel 24/7 lately. Like a person running for food and trying to beat Joe Dirt next to me. Let me tell you, Joe Dirt is some feirce competition.

Enough Said

A man must have made it up...

HAHP. Have a Happy Period. If you are watching TV lately you will see a commercial that has a tag line of that. Its for Always femine period stuff. Yeah I said it. Period Stuff. What the hell kinda of tag line is HAVE A HAPPY PERIOD? It makes me want to say the 'f' word many many times. A man had to of come up with that little slogan. Yea and they even sent out temporary tattoos back a year ago when this whole slogan came out. Like I want to get my hands on one...stick it on my arm (cause it was like a flower with HAHP) and then I want to take a picture of me flipping off the camera yet maybe smiling. How is that for HAHP?

HAHP my ass! Maybe they should pass out Prozac now since they have done did pissed me off.

Twisted ARM

So I was told that I have to put something new and stuff on here. DUDES my life is a big fun ball of goo. Goo. No not the Goo Goo Dolls, because at least they are a band and travel and stuff and can sing...and have better hair than me, and I think the lead singer can apply his eyeliner much better also. Just Goo.

I am car shopping and working and being a mom. Trying to stay happy in a non happy world. I did hear a bit of AWESOME news this week that totally made my whole week complete. NKOTB might go on tour??? Maybe they did announce it already but I am way super excited! I got a NKOTB sweatshirt when they were so not cool anymore. Dad thought it would be awesome for me to have it 2 years after they hit it big. We all know they were so not cool during that time, but it was the weird phase in fashion where you could turn your sweatshirt inside out and still be cool. The only issue with that is that you could still see the NKOTB floating heads through the inside outish sweatshirt. Oh well. I think I need therapy sessions for this stuff. In other news, I got my smelly tart brittle today. And Sam made a heart man. Heartman I love thee!!

OH and the movie STARDUST is a must see for all! Even though some person I know who hates everything doesn't recommend it, but if you have an open mind WATCH IT its great. :)

Peace Out

I feel like I can now relate to this...

SIGG Makes Me Happy

Ok so I sit here and honestly, I should go to bed and get decent sleep. So here I am...I am wondering why my google account has suddenly deceided to magically be in the German English haha I mean language but I thought that was funny and I amuse myself. So its all in German! What the frick is going on?

I also want to know why mini-mullet Miley Cyrus is that how you spell it? Well I want to know why MiniMullet head is being trashed down my throat....I mean I am so sick of her! And now shes getting radio play. It makes me ill. Maybe she can do a remake of her dad's smash hit about his achey breaky heart. I hear she is reaching out to Brit-Brit trying to make her feel all good...well listen MiniMullet...it will be you in about 5 years...your this sweet and innocent little girl now. Soon you will be on SNL insisiting you are not into drugs or sex but you will be....all these little girls looking up to you will want to be just like your coked up whore ass. Miley, please don't sing anymore songs. I just don't think you are all that good. Hannah Montana/Miley GO AWAY!!! Your like a wet dog in a hot room that just makes me ill and want to kick you! GO AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Blogger THIS!

Seriously I had a post yesterday that quite amused myself! And BLOGGER didn't post it...... So anyways....I will write more later. I am sure I will have something very sarcastic and dark to say.

Peace Out.

Thought of the day: Some people are a lot like Slinkies. They are not much use for anything but really make you smile when you push them down the steps.

:D

I got a SIGG

On its way...*does a SIGG dance* I can't wait. If you don't know what a SIGG is then maybe you should google it.

I got some wine and I also got some rum for rainy days. Its sunny out today but I think there is rain in my heart so I must have a sip or two.

On a lighter note....I don't have anything much to say. Other than I am alive and that means the world to all you. I know it does. And I have a spot on my back twitching right now.

I liked having hurt

So.....Send the pain below.....much like suffocating

Anyways. My last few hours of being 27. I am finding myself very down for many reasons. I just don't understand how sometimes when you share so much with someone and it feels like they just used you, or whatever. Anyways.....diet coke is good. That makes me at least smile a bit. A kid I worked with ended up in the mental hospital. That kinda sucks. Work is kinda stressful. I know its a position that they have never had before, but others have kinda just put some time into it...if that makes sense. Like they put a band aid on it and now its just unorganized. Here are some fun things though......there was old pamplets in there discussing children and its so old they say 'black children' how politically correct is that crap? That made me LOL at my desk. There were old things dated for 2003. There is no way I am keeping this stuff in my office...it had dust caked on it. Seems like they tried to do a mass mailing that never went through, oh and the info had the old area code on there which changed back in 99 I think. Either way I think that fliers with the old area code have to go. It's just not professional.

I have become a rather boring poster...posting about depression and work.

The kind of flawless I wish I could be

Today is Friday for many of you office peoples but for me I still am working my weekend gig. Before you all say 'but look at the money' what the frick? Like I will ever see a dime of the extra money since it usually goes toward late bills.

So today is cold and I honestly don't want to go to my office but I have to log some papers and stuff. Oops if I don't do much else since I am really not getting trained. I just use the "oh really? wow that really helps THANK YOU so much!" approach to many of the little jobs I have to do that I do wrong or not the way they want. I want to get that filing cabinet in order. I am tired of pulling out forms that are different from what it says in the filing cabinet. Is it just me or is that annoying? Maybe that can be my project. I also want to make some copies of these forms so I have plenty in my office since they are my forms to fill out and file. Sounds like I have a plan, usually boss man has other ideas leaving me stuck again to never learn my actual job. Life is a garden. Dig it.

I am going out to eat tonight for my birthday. And I would like to be excited except I have no idea where I want to eat. A meal without children. I am not sure really what that would be like. Other than I can actually eat my meal without going to the bathroom 5 times and cleaning up ketchup off my pant leg. Or the time chocolate milk dribbled down my nice pants. That was some fun stuff right there! I was thinking Mexican....but I was also thinking a sit down Chinese restaurant. But now I am thinking Chinese buffet for the crab legs. I have all day to decide. I think I might research restaurants at work. That way I get paid for my decision. :D

Any suggestions? Since I only have 1 person reading my interesting daily life maybe SHE can decide for me.

Peace Out.

Life in the Office

So I never even realized what true office life was like. Yesterday was kinda busy with paperwork then setting things up for the evening class..but somdays I feel as if I will be sitting at my nice desk chair making it go in circles. No honestly, I only have so many hours I have to make the best of it. I am coming up with an overview for the year of what I would like to accomplish. It's a start. Since somehow I can't get my email set up (waiting on other people) I am kinda at limbo. I can't even access my voice mail account on my phone! Its got messages on there from who knows when. It just blinks and blinks and blinks (again waiting on the same person for that)

Learning a new copier is always a fun challenge for my blonde heart. I do find it quite amusing that I can send a print job to the printer in our office and have to walk to go get it *giggles* I am just a bit weird I know, but once I get things in order it will be different.

This has turned into a very boring post...with not much accomplished. I wish I were feeling a little more sarcastic today but I just don't have the energy. Maybe a Java Monster might help?

American Idol

I sure hope that this work/class/training is over before like the finals of American Idol. I have to work today from 2-10pm because of this class. Thats ok and all but *SNIFF* I have been looking so foward to American Idol since last May when they crowned Jordin Sparks the next American Idol....

And speaking of Ms Sparks...what is up with this Tattoo song? I mean honestly I have nothing against tatts. I really don't. I am an equal opportunity tatt lover (EOTL) but I expected something a little more sophisticated than 'you're on my heart just like a tatto' So does anyone know that hearts on tattos are like not really true? I guess she was just sayin...LIKE a tattoo...but there are places that remove tatts....so if you're on my heart like a tattoo I guess I could have you removed...

I am excited to hear what the next American Idol might bring. "Full of your love, just like I'm constipated...."

so about my day...

It has been one of the weirdest days working with the kids. I don't think I even want to go into full detail of the blood I saw today. I am pretty much a tough chick...I can handle a lot but today really had me reaching for the door for fresh air and praying to the good Lord above that this child didnt sneeze blood on me. To top it off her father is a refugee from Cuba (please no getting mad I am just saying that is what he is) so his English is broken. Its like a cross between Spanish/English and the communication lines are just shot between us and him. Gotta give the man (who is almost 70 yeah 70 her mom is 39!) credit for raising a child who came into the world addicted to crack and alcohol. I was sitting at work when I had the chance, and thinking how HOW does a person bring a child into the world addicted like that....I don't know it just brings me down. I guess a positive side to all this blood (and I won't even go into what or how or even how much and the texture LOL) I had a really fast work day. Though I switch gears tomorrow to my new job. The next few weeks will be stressful because silly me has to help everyone else out. I am so silly like that! I think I will adjust well to my new position but there is just a lot already in progress and I have to do more. I am thinking that my office needs some sprucing up. I need some pictures on the wall, a plant and some desk toys to keep me busy. I also need a radio and a clock. I think I have the clock figured out..I mean I have one on my computer but seriously I need a wall clock....I do have a window though its small so I am proud to at least have some light in the place :) I wish I could be more sarcastic today but I think I am all out of it today. Maybe more after my Iced Coffee!

Joe Dirt

So all my stalkers that I have reading my blog...I know you are out there I can feel you...anyways you might be wondering why I have Joe Dirt for my pic. Well duh.....he's my inspiration and hope for finding homes for these children. I am to recruit people to be foster or adoptive parents and Joe Dirt always needed a family. I mean he grew up with the meteorite which was a big ball of poo....He had relationships with weird people. He even got the poo on him! If you haven't seen this heroic film of how a boy tries to belong somewhere please do...and bring the tissues because its a tear jerker!

I'm your sister! I'm your sister!

Movie

While watching Cruel Intentions last night, which is entirely a hot movie...but its really an ultimate love story. Granted if the dude would have just stepped up and said he loved this chick he probably wouldn't have died, but how he died was again the sweetest way ever. Nothing says true love like *I can't tell you how I truly feel because I am afraid of what others think , so let me break your heart. Then when I will realize how much I truly love you and must tell you the truth so I give you my journal. You read it through the night as I watch you through your window from the street. You then see me in the morning leaving and start to follow me. Some other dude character comes into play and beats me up and throws you into a line of traffic where you almost get hit but I save you and die...but the dramatic music plays and I say the words I LOVE YOU just so you know how much I do because I am dying* Dude how much does that suck? Not only did I tell you like the turning point in the film but telling someone how you truly feel before its too late and they are gone from your life is kinda lame. I guess this is why it's a movie. Sometimes I feel as if my life were a movie. I know exactally how I would want it to end. What I want and what I get are totally 2 different things. I guess I accept the challenges and move on and figure out where to go from here.

On a side note, I work tonight and there is a new child there. Not sure how this all will work out. I had a dream last night I had all these kids by myself because my boss is being kinda rude about things! How Rude! anyways...

I guess if anything read this: Tell each and every person in your life no matter what role they play in it how you feel about them before life happens and they slip from your view. You never know what kind of chances you will have down the road. Some of us have second chances and some don't. Don't risk it. Say it!

Going Green

So I was watching a youtube video on nonprofit organizations. This video was kinda lame. It was from the United Kingdom. I guess that doesn't really make it weird. First off, it was a silent vid set to like lame music that makes me sleepy. Secondly, it was about going green saving the earth blah blah blah. Well apparently all these people with red balloons were like the evil earth killers and the people with green ones were the lovers of the earth. So green balloon people tried to convert the red balloon people by frolicking with one another or some lame stuff. Anyways at the end they all let go of the red balloons and get them replaced with green balloons. All I am saying that it seems odd. I think these green balloon people who want to save the earth and conspiracy people. They really WANT global warming. I will think twice before I let a green balloon person convince me to release my red one.

Oh, and yes most of my entertainment comes from youtube. Get over it.

New Post Sample

Welcome to my new blog....

This is a rockin' test post....

cause Jen is the shizniz!